If there was such a thing as a theme song to my life this would truly be my song! I love it and cannot listen without tears flowing! Thank-you Lord for how good you are to me… even in the hard times You’ve sure been good!
Click below to listen
The Preacher’s Wife
April 3rd, 2011
~ The Preacher’s Wife ~
In the shadow of the parsonage
Stands a figure oft obscure.
Just behind the faithful pastor
Is his wife, devout and pure.
She is with him every moment
Helping make his work progress,
And you can’t discount her portion
In the measure of success.
Oft behind the scene of action,
Often never seen or heard,
Yet she stands forever ready
Just to give a helping word.
It is not in active service
That her worth is really shown,
But in the bearing heavy burdens
That to others are unknown.
With encouragement and vision
She must urge God’s servant on,
When the shadows are the darkest
And his courage’s almost gone.
With her home forever open
And her work quite never done,
She is ever his lieutenant
In the battles fought and won.
- T. R. Buzzard
Preparing the Preacher’s wife “Part 2″
April 2nd, 2011
5.) Develop Tough Skin but keep a Tender Heart.
This one is one of the most challenging things for any ministry wife. My pastor, with great wisdom, has told me a couple times to have alligator hide and duck feathers. The first time he told me this was in pre-marital counseling with my soon to be husband. He knew God had called us to full-time ministry and he was trying to prepare me early for what was to come. I remember thinking this was an odd phrase, but I totally understand it now and am thankful he shared it. He was teaching me to develop a tough skin (alligator hide). Unfortunately some of the people who speak the most often have a lot of no good things to say. My sweet pastor’s wife would say that they are more to be pitied than scorned. This helps my thinking when I want to get upset or hurt by unfair/untrue statements made about my husband. The other statement Pastor told me was duck feathers. Learn to let things roll off your back. In other words, take things as a grain of salt. People are always going to talk and you must not let it penetrate your heart and make you hard. Learn to pray for the person stirring things up and you will be able to let go of things and keep a tender heart.
6.) Don’t be Needy
Stay active and busy! Don’t be counting down the minutes until your man gets home. Chances are something will come up and he will be later than anticipated and then your hopes will be dashed. I have never struggled personally with this, but I know many good women do. My pastor’ wife in her class at our Bible institute said a women that tends to be needy needs to find a hobby if necessary. She instructed the women to stay busy. There is so much that can be done… make a meal for a family, volunteer to clean a closet at the church, visit a shut in, and so on. Another thing to remember it to be careful not to call to much throughout the day. A call here or there is fine, and sometimes can be a huge encouragement to him, but if he is worrying that you are falling to pieces when he is away then he is being hindered by you in his work for the Lord.
Also, learn to be handy around the house. I believe the Proverbs 31 woman worked hard and was resourceful! You can be that too! Paint walls, rearrange furniture, organize closets, change light bulbs, work in the yard. etc.. Just always be careful! You really can do a lot of different things if you put your mind to it! With the computer at our fingertips now you can google almost any household job and be walked through how to do it! Many of you will have a husband that travel for weeks at a time. It will be a blessing to him if he knows you can take care of yourself and the home while he is away! Others may do things differently, but I have never had a Honey do list for my husband! My goal is to make our home a haven and I know after a lot of his days the last thing he would want to see is a to do list!
7.) Schedule, Schedule, Schedule!!!
There is a saying that goes, “If you fail to plan, then you plan to fail.” I have learned this is key to “survival” in the ministry. You must schedule time together with your husband and as a family. We write things in as appointments on his calendar! He would schedule anything else going on so we pencil things in early so that his time does not get completely filled. My husband has one day off a week and that day is Friday. So we pencil that day off. Now, he is also a youth pastor so many activities happen on Friday so we don’t get every Friday, but we try our best too. Also, one thing I generally do to guard our time together, is if we have a few minutes together or if it is our “scheduled” time together, than I generally turn my cell phone off or leave it at home!! I know many of you just gasped! BUT I know our time is precious and sometimes very limited and I can honestly say that there are very little things that cannot wait until later. (My husband always has his phone so if it was a true Emergency we could be reached.) As a wife it is so important to be there for your husband when he is with you. You are his and he needs you! Now, back to scheduling, it is important that you are involved with this. I have access to my husbands calendar and I can add events onto it. So if he is out and someone is wanting to schedule an appt he can say that he has an appt already scheduled at that time and can pick another day or different time. Make sense? This will help your frustration level and his in turn. Don’t complain he doesn’t make time for you… be pro active and get it on the schedule! You will find he will anticipate that appointment that you have made for him!
8.) Be alert with his dealings with other women
I have absolute trust in my husband and I mean that with all my heart. The reason I make a point of this is because a man in ministry can often become a “fantasy” to some women. He is often in front of the congregation and is dressed nicely. He seems to have things together and to be a wonderful husband. He is a strong man to get up and preach and lead and direct and serve. He can quickly become idealized in a women’s mind. Now this subject can be touchy because some women are not trusting at all and very insecure, but a wise woman can sense when things are awry. Our pastor also gave us good counsel on this when we started ministry. He said a wise man will listen to his wife when she senses something of this nature. God made us with the ability to discern other women’s intentions at times. There have been a couple times in our marriage when I knew a women had wrong intentions and I voiced my concern to my husband. He was oblivious to it (which most men who are very busy generally are), but my observations were correct. Also, we live in a sue happy generation, and even an accusation of misconduct can destroy a man’s ministry. My husband never counsels women alone and he is always careful where and when he counsels anyone for that matter. He is careful to not give undue attention to a lady in or around our age group. He is also careful who is in the car with him. He would never pick a young lady up to go to church alone. Be wise and help him where needed. But again, do not be overly paranoid.
9.) Love & Serve
I often thought early in ministry that my job was to be at everything that had anything to do with the church and have my kids at every activity (even the overnighters!) and make sure that I was being the beacon of an example I should be. We have a large church and christian school that we are a part of and quite honestly there is always something going on!! After near burnout and losing my joy of serving the Lord, I realized I was trying to appease man. Not that a ministry wife should miss a church service or important events, but that your number one job it to be right before the LORD and in your relationship with Him. And number two is to be right with your husband and to be what HE needs you to be for him as his helpmeet. My poor husband endured a ragged worn out wife for several years until the Lord convicted me on this. I realized I had become almost a “co-pastor” to him than a true helper. There is a big difference. A wise counselor told me, “It is vitally important that the teens know the youth pastor’s wife loves them! That they can call her if needed and she will be there. She can come for part of an activity and then take her babies home as the night gets late and the teen girls and other youth leaders not resent her is they know she loves them.” You see I had come to a point where I felt guilty ALL the time. Guilty if I left my kids with a sitter to be with the teens and Guilty if I left the teens to care for my kids. (I do not have much family around to care for my kids, so I was always hunting a babysitter whom I could feel fully comfortable with.. this was stressful and costly) This is not loving and serving with joy and it was destroying me. Also, my husband was seeing our kids out of sorts because they had no routine in their lives. Very young children need to eat at consistent times, have naps, go to bed at a decent time. etc. Scripturally speaking, a pastor must have his home in order and it starts by training our children right and caring for them properly. My babies are almost 3 and 5 now so I am able to serve with them now much more! And I love it. Just remember you are not in a political arena. You do not have to show face so to speak just to show face. Be a real person and have the right intentions. Don’t serve out of quilt. Serve the Lord and the ministry that the Lord has put you in and LOVE it! And if you have children, remember there would be no greater loss than to lose them. Never cause them to become resentful of the ministry. They should never be sacrificed for a ministry. Teach them and show them by your joy and love how wonderful serving the Lord truly is!
Marriage is wonderful!! Ministry is wonderful!! But great marriages and great ministries don’t just happen! You must work for them and pray for wisdom, direction, and the Lord’s blessing!
Preparing the Preacher’s wife “Part 1″
March 14th, 2011
My heart is greatly moved as I see many of the young ladies I love becoming Preacher’s wives or knowing the Lord wants them to marry a Preacher. (this man being called to be a Pastor, Missionary, Evangelist, Etc.) Much time is spent on preparing the man, but what about his helpmeet? Did God not make them one flesh? Yes!! Genesis 2:24 says, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” Preparation for the wife is indeed important… if not the most important thing that could help the Preacher most in his work for the Lord.
Why it is important:
~ A woman can make or break her man. We know this is true, but a woman can also make or break the Lord’s ministry that her husband is called to lead with devastating results.
~A woman has a huge amount of control over her husband whether it is realized or not. She can alter his mood, his feelings, his desires, his goals, his God given direction, his reactions, his motivation, his attitude, his outlook on life and ministry… need I go on?
Equipping the wife of the man of God is huge! I have never seen a great man of God that was not accompanied by a great woman of God devoted to the Lord and His work and her husband. I do not think a Preacher’s wife starts out in ministry with her husband desiring to be a thorn in his flesh, but it happens far to often thus hurting the cause of Christ. But this need not be!
Some thing I’ve learned (and am still learning):
1.) The number one thing that she must do is to be dead. Wow?!!! Really? Yes, totally dead to self. This is something that has to be done daily in the Lord’s work.
We all know the usual examples of the Preacher and his wife sitting down to dinner as a family and the phone rings…. How will she react?
There is the usual easy human selfish reaction. “I spent all day waiting for you to get home. I cooked a nice dinner, and NOW YOU HAVE TO GO WHERE??? Don’t you already have another appointment later tonight too? Am I not more important to you than anyone else? What are you going to choose? Oh, them again? Fine. Why do I even try to fix dinner? And so on…
The husband with this wife surely would go away defeated to the service for which God has called him.
or
The dead to self reaction. “Honey, they need you. I will keep your plate warm for you. Please be careful as you go and know I love you! You are doing the most important job in the world!”
This husband will feel he is on top of the world as he leaves!!
A woman must realize that her man is hers yes, but to the members in the church he is also there’s too. This one is tough. Again, being dead to self is key. The Lord’s work has never been and never will be 9-5. A smart wife will make the most out of what time she has! I have often rolled around in my mind what kind of overtime my hubby would be making if he were paid overtime. This makes me laugh for we would be quite wealthy! I just think that there will be extra crowns in Heaven for Him and for me too for being dead to self when it comes to my Husband and one day I can lay those at Christ’s precious feet! What JOY!
2.) Be with him. There are many aspects to this one. The main one I want to emphasize is to serve with him. What ministries specifically is he involved in? Is he the Bus Pastor? Then be on the busses with him. Is he the Youth Pastor? Be at youth functions with him. And so on. You cannot “Be with him” in service to the Lord if you are not with him. You want to share in his desires and your heart beat the same for the ministry in which He is called and whether acknowledged or not you are called too. Again, you are one flesh. How can you have a passion for the Bus ministry if you never step foot in the busses or never learn to love the children who ride? A ministry can become a burden to a wife if her heart is not in it by her eyes and ears seeing and hearing and her hands being involved.
Here is an example: We’ll just stick to bus ministry
God’s man goes every week to bus visitation. He develops relationships with children and their parents. His eyes are opened to the homes and situations some of these precious children live with. He wipes the tears of the little child who is hurting because daddy left home for good this weekend. He buys clothes for the child whose parents don’t notice that they cannot fasten the button on their pants anymore. He buys food for a child when that child tells him they have not eaten in two days. He gives a Bible to the precious child who has just accepted Christ! He baptizes and disciples this Child.
Were you with him as his wife. Do you know these children by name? Have you cried with your husband when his heart has been broken because of the hurt some of these precious children endure? Do you have ideas, women are generally more creative than men, that could help the success of the bus ministry because you have been with him?
or
Does your husband bear things on his own? Do you just nitpick at him over the amount of time it takes every Saturday to visit on what is most people’s day off? Do you criticize him when he is going through your pantry to get some items to help a family?
Being with him is so key to success in the Lord’s work and success in the Preacher’s home and with his family. Your children will treat their father and ministry the way that you do.
3.) Be his sweetheart. He doesn’t need a nag, a mother, a discourager or so on. He needs his sweety. Love him through the ups and downs. Go the extra mile to care for him. You will become his queen if you do this and it will be the best thing you could do for yourself too!
One key thing that is often found in ministry is that you can quickly become a secretary. My husband let me know early on that he did not need me as an administrative assistant, he needed his sweetheart. I do my best to not give him more work at the end of the day. What I mean by this is to direct people to e-mail him directly or call him at the church. etc. My husband is discouraged when he comes home and I have another list of things he needs to work on. Be tactful when doing this and be wise enough to know when you should contact your husband right away instead of directing them to. Be careful to not answer for him especially if you are not 100% sure what his answer would be.
Know what your husband likes. Listen carefully because most men just don’t express things openly. For instance, we were invited to dinner at a couple’s home early on in our marriage. The lady set the table with cloth napkins. My husband commented on how much he liked that. So, we use cloth napkins a lot of the time. Not a difficult thing to change at all, but my sweety likes it and I want to make him happy!
4.) Allow him to bring you along and talk to you. This kind of goes hand and hand with number two on the list. Let him teach you what he is learning. Don’t be a know it all. Let him be a man!! I have never been disappointed when I have stopped taking care of the home to sit and listen to something God is teaching my hubby. It doesn’t seem big, but it really is.
Let him share with you if he wants to about the ministry. DON”T FORCE him to tell you everything. There are some things a wife doesn’t need to know. Believe me. Men can separate emotions from situations at times far easier than women can. If he needs a confidant you be that for him! Remember ALWAYS to temper your speech when you respond. You can be a greater discourager or you can help encourage him greatly with what he is dealing with. An average preacher goes through very emotional days and could make a snap decision based on your “advice”. Many Preacher’s will feel like everyone is against them at times and they are not wanted by the church. You must keep him encouraged in his role! Remember that Satan is not going to waste his time causing havoc on a ministry that the Lord is not trying to use. I always tell myself God is moving if Satan is attacking!
My husband always says, “A happy wife is a happy life!” I chuckle when he says this, but it is true. A woman sets the tone for her home, her husband, and her husband’s ministry.
Remember, your first ministry is to God’s man. The one God has given you in marriage. This is not a negative!! It is wonderful if you will yield to it. God will not bless or use you if you fight and don’t yield to this important ministry!
I will continue further points to this post in the near future!
Tags: Encouragement, MInistry
Paul Chappell’s Writing on Biblical Music
February 15th, 2011
This is a great article supported by Scripture! Enjoy!
The music program in the local church is vital, and it’s impact—for good or bad—on a church service is immeasurable. While some may view music as simply a form of entertainment and emotional conditioning, godly music plays a much larger role in a church.
Click on the link below for more!
Mrs. Green’s Lesson to the Ladies at the Couple’s Retreat
February 13th, 2011
The Look of Love
1.) Love Purely
-
- Longsuffering I Cor. 13:1-8a; 13
~ Goes above & beyond
-
- Kind Col. 1:11; 3:12; Eph.4:2
~Sweet
-
- Envieth Not Prov. 8:13
~ Is Not Jealous
-
- Vaunteth Not Prov. 16:5, 18
~Not Boastful
-
- Not Puffed Up Prov. 27:2
~Not Highminded
-
- Not Behaving Unseemly Prov. 11:22
~Knows How to Act
-
- Seeketh Not Her Own Phil. 2:2-4
~Unselfish
-
- Not Easily provoked Prov. 14:29; 15:1; 16:32; Rom. 15:5
~Patient
-
- Thinketh No Evil Rom.12:17, 21; Phil 4:8
-
- Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but in truth II John 2-4; Rom. 1:32
~What is right/ Not Judgemental
-
- Bears all Rom. 15:1; Phil. 4:13
~Eternal Optimism
2.) Love Peaceably
-
- Rom. 12:9-18
- I Tim. 2:1-4 Quiet & Peaceable life
- I. Thess. 5:13 Be at Peace Amongst Yourself
- Prov. 15:16; 16:7; 17:1, 28; 21:9; 19; 27:15
- James 3:17
- Heb. 12:14
“Leave the ‘nagging’ to the Holy Spirit.”
3.) Love Passionately
~With Strong Emotion or Feeling
-
- Matt. 22:37-39
- Eccl. 9:10
- I Cor. 10:31
- I Peter 4:8
- Prov. 10:12
4.) Love Practically
~Practical ways to demonstrate God’s love…. Prov. 3:27
-
- Remember who you married
- Gen. 24:61-67; Eph. 5:23
- Remember who you married
-
- Remember who you are
- Prov. 18:22; Eccl. 9:9
- Remember what he likes
- Judges 14:7
- Remember what He (Christ) likes
- Heb. 13:21
- Remember the Rightful place of children
- Psalm 127
- Remember to love unconditionally
- I John 4:8; Prov. 17:17
- Remember to laugh… a lot!
- Prov. 15:13; Prov. 17:22
- Remember how quickly the journey ends
- James 4:13-15
- Remember what’s important and what’s not
- Rom. 8:18; Phil. 4:11-13; I Tim. 6:6
- Remember: “Little things Mean a Lot.”
- I Kings 18:44; 19:10-12
- Remember who you are
True Joy
February 8th, 2011
“Weeping may endure for a night, but joy
cometh in the morning.”
– Psalm 30:5
“Laughter means nothing unless there have been tears.”
— Dr. Jack Hyles
Tags: Encouragement, Quotes, Trials
Caring for the Heart and Mind of a Child
February 8th, 2011
I was reminded, once again by my son, how perceptive children are. Last thursday I found out that the lady I babysit for was laid off from her job so after this week I will not have a babysitting job for an unknown amount if time. I was talking to my son to tell him that the little boy I watch will not be coming after this week. He did not say much at the time, but this morning on the way to school I knew he was really contemplating something because he was quiet. (It is against the norm for him to be quiet!) So I asked him what he was thinking about. He said, “Mommy, are we going to have food. Are we going to have to live with other people. How are we going to have money?” WOW?! Really… that is what he has been thinking about at age five. After reassuring him that God has always provided for our needs and that the church pays daddy and we will be just fine, i could not help but think how many times I have missed things with him. How often have I been too busy that I have missed out on something that was weighing heavy on his little heart. Children can put the pieces of a situation together far better than we think they do.
I believe the family was established long before the church, and my duty is to
my family first. I am not to neglect my family. D.L. Moody
So I am reminded today to:
Care for the heart & mind of my children
Tags: Devotions, Encouragement, Quotes, Youth
What Do We Emphasize by our Actions
February 7th, 2011
Just thinking today about what we truly emphasize as parents with our children. We wouldn’t dare miss a sports game, music recital, birthday party, or other major event. We are being loving parents by attending these events and supporting our children, BUT are we missing out on any key areas to support our children. One of my husbands favorite quotes is, “You reap a harvest where you place an emphasis.” Our goal in life as Christian parents is to teach our children and direct them in truth. What has been running through my mind is whether we place an emphasis as parents on the most important thing. Yes, supporting sporting activities and music recitals are great, but when was the last time we took our child personally to visit someone and share the love of Christ. Are we so busy in the things of this world that we miss teaching them about the thing that matters most… a soul. Our children will, by our own example, see where the true emphasis of our life is.
Galations 6:7 “Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.”
I know I would love for my children to excel at sports, music, friendship, and many other things, but I pray that the thing that is at the forefront of their minds is a true love and passion for the souls of others. If that is not instilled in them and at the earliest age possible than I have failed. I thank the Lord that by the example of some of our wonderful parents of teens in the youth ministry I have seen this lived out. Watching a mother with tears in her eyes as she talks about how exciting it is that her teenage son wants to be at church every time the door is open is a joy although watching a mother with pain in her eyes as her child chooses the pleasures of this world is heartbreaking.
My prayer today is:
“Lord, help we place the emphasis on Godly things for my children. Help the things of this world not distract me from the precious little souls you have so graciously entrusted to me. Help me to be a wise and faithful steward of the time I have with them and teach them what is truly important. Thank you for leading me in all truth, and please guard the hearts of my children. Amen.”
Tags: Devotions, Encouragement, Faith, MInistry, Quotes, Worship
Quote on worship
January 25th, 2011
In my opinion, the great single need of the moment is that light-hearted superficial religionists be struck down with a vision of God high and lifted up, with His train filling the temple. The holy art of worship seems to have passed away like the Shekinah glory from the tabernacle. As a result, we are left to our own devices and forced to make up the lack of spontaneous worship by bringing in countless cheap and tawdry activities to hold the attention of the church people.
A.W.Tozer